This is a true story, and has nothing to do with Antennagate! Read on! If you liked my "search play" you'll probably like this...
A sweet relationship begins...
It was an early morning in January 2007, and he saw her shapely figure emerging from the an Apple orchard in Cupertino. It was, cliched as it may sound, love at first touch (yes, she did let him slide his fingers across her whenever he so desired!)
She brought him the newspaper in the morning, sang his favorite songs for him, was with him night and day, and even accompanied him to work. His company agreed to pay for her to be with him. They had free lunch together at the cafeteria everyday. I guess they thought that if she would constantly remind him of the tasks he was to do for them, that would pay off...and it did
They went on a Safari together, and she took care of all the navigation, finding interesting places, maps, directions and all sorts of great information. The remainder of his family felt pretty left out, as he was with her in heart and soul even when he was physically with family members. He didn't care. He was in love with her smooth and shapely figure and delightful touch.
! He'd fallen head over heels in love and they were married. He had her in his pocket, and they spent all the time together.
A year or two passed - she introduced him to her sisters, who were actually prettier and flirtatious (Man! was he surprised at how fast
they were!), but he stuck with his first love. She suited his needs, and he needed
The contract had been signed. Til' death
do us part, so it seemed...
Boredom in the relationship...
As often as it occurs in real life, this Silicon Valley relationship lost steam just as Silicon Valley employees lose interest in their companies. (like software engineers lose interest with a product after a while just when they've learned enough and become important
for the product). She was just not as flawless
as during the early days. She seemed to be a little sluggish in the mornings, and every photo did not show her in the best light. There was no optimal resolution to all situations. Her favorite rubber jacket was slightly ripped - she still wore it sometimes and she looked kinda shabby.
He still tried talking to
her, but she did not always listen
! It was like she did not recognize his voice.
Then, there was news of this new lady in town. She was introduced first as kinda stoic and robotic, like an Android, but once you came to know her (really
), she was actually quite slick and fashionable. His company offered him her company - and to be polite, he asked her out!
Pandora's box had just been opened! and the music just flowed...
With his new amour, things were just brighter and faster. Her face was like liquid
, and rippled with enthusiasm every time he touched her.
With his wife, things just got sluggish and irritating.
He'd just started listening to a great new radio station online, and his wife always seemed to turn it off every time he asked her a question! It got so damn irritating, he wanted nothing to do with her. With her,
Pandora's music softened everything they did together - it was a cruel joke.
Going out in the car was just different. His wife would constantly remind him to ask for directions, while she
would speak them out as he held her in his hand. Never did he get lost
again, never reminded again that "men never ask for directions! (but should)"
He would pick her up in his hands, and speak with her, and she would respond
to his every suggestion. It's like she knew his voice, accent and all!
He made a clean break! The separation was a little painful, and he had to learn a whole new set of buttons to push, but he got there quickly. He missed the old records that he would listen to with his wife.
Their ATTorney, Bloody ATTgood said he was fine with the separation, although his wife
had first introduced them. Further, since ATTgood had a deal with his company, he'd get a special discount for upcoming legal services. Sounded good! He trusted
his lawyer at his word. He moved in with his first extramarital Nexus. He called her Nexy!
It was a few months when he started receiving his lawyer's repeated (irritating) SMSes. Apparently, he needed to pay more, the same pre-nuptial agreement could no longer be used with Nexy. His legal fees shot up, since apparently the lawyers were dealing with more complicated information - 3 G's more expensive! It sounded rather absurd - he did not
feel like a million bucks! He'd spent enough on his wife to begin with!
He went through with it, and had to pay his lawyer more just to be with Next to Nexy
. He was too much in love with her to give her up and go back
to his wife. Pay to play! The funny thing? With ATTgood, he did not get the 3 G's worth of service, as promised
Then, he noticed that he was not getting the promised special discount
with his legal fees - they were higher and were piling up, with no discount. What was he paying for? It took him months
to find out. Call after call, ATTgood said they'd adjust his legal bills, but no discount was forthcoming!
He was mad
, and called one more time, "I'm switching the legal service unless you tell me exactly why I'm not getting my promised discount. I have emotional trauma, and
my relationship is in bad shape, and
I'm paying more for your terrible services and
dropped calls and
you're ripping off my company discount. It's like a double-whammy, a single-EDGEd sword through my guts! It does not feel good, and
now I'm beginning to think I should have stayed with my wife to begin with, so I wouldn't have had all this pain! I'm spending more money on this!
"Aah!" ATT-no-good croons. "It seems that I know what the problem is. The legal documents we have show that you are still married - to your WIFE! It's right here on the computer. Plain and simple."
"I thought I got that ANNULLED! I even paid more
to make that happen, and to stop your stupid SMSes. "Are you an idiot? Or just a ****ing shark
?" I'm not even getting anything more for paying more."
HE felt like the idiot for agreeing to all this!
All of a sudden, seemed like Nexy looked better in videos than in photos - she actually looked pretty dull in incandescent light, and her makeup was literally blueish in flourescent light. The damn flash didn't seem to do the trick either.
"Get the damn annulment, ATTnogood!" he bellowed. "Or I'm taking my legal services to T Mobile lawyer down T street!"
The next weekend, he met his ex-wife at a party. She was wearing a brand new
silver dress, with mesmerizing silver halter straps, and it looked like she had a glass sheen on her dress - front and back!
A couple of margaritas, and he wanted to go up to her, talk to her and see his face in her eyes! He wanted some FaceTime
with her - she seemed to touch an emotional chord in him. She was looking prettier and brighter, and had lost some weight. Someone took a photo of her while he walked towards her, and there was a blinding flash. He saw that the photographer was delighted with the photograph.
There was a twinkle in her eyes!
The annulment was in flight, but he wanted to be with
... his wife